Two In One

Processing

My heart pounds so hard I fear it might beat right through my chest. Everyday, without fail, God fills my soul with such wonder and awe that I'm forced to still myself to bask in it. I don’t know how to explain in a way so that you feel what I feel, but I pray that you get a chance to experience true wonder in your lifetime. I can’t wrap my mind around it. When I think I’ve grabbed hold to a bit of understanding it vanishes from my grasp and I’m left again with my mind racing futilely in circles, my heart growing bigger with each beat, and my body moving in the slowest of motions as the world around me speeds on as scheduled, waiting for no one. I want all my people back home to experience these sensations with me, I want them to stand in awe alongside me. I spend an excessive amount of time journaling, typing, texting and picture taking because I want it all to be remembered and told. I don’t want my feeble mind ever to forget the magnificence of my God and how He’s cared for my every need. But is it possible that I’m spending so much time documenting that I’m not encountering as much of God as I could be? I honestly don’t know, and it boggles my mind. (wow that is such a fun word, “boggles”) I’m so full of emotion but not quite sure how to express it. I feel like the Holy Spirit is guiding me on a whole other level of life that I had no idea existed

Dreaming

I couldn’t take it all in because I didn’t believe it was real. I knew it was real, but my mind didn’t communicate to my eyes that all they saw were tangible, substantial. I could only see so far until the gray fog swallowed the mountain islands standing in the sea. It was a view I’d seen in movies and on the internet and in textbooks but never had my body stood where my eyes had roamed. Dark earth, the sharp kind that wouldn’t budge for human feet. One misstep and you slip and slide down the jagged rock to your death. No it wouldn’t budge for human feet, but every crash of a wave and push from wind eroded the earth’s barrier until chips of stone were dragged into the sea only to be spat back up. An endless cycle that mesmerized me. I watched as the mysterious, yet beautiful sea green water rushed shore, transforming into a fierce white, crashing against a boulder lifting up into the sky as one and falling again into the sea as separate droplets. I’m here watching this unfold in front of my eyes. The scene looking as majestic as always, only difference is I’m here to witness it. I’m here. My mind knows I’m here, but why can’t I feel this place. It smells like nothing, I know it’s cold outside but I don’t feel the chills, I tasted nothing but my own flavorless saliva. It had to be a dream. One where you could see everything so clearly you could tell yourself it’s real life but then that one thing happens that reaffirms your suspicion. Nope. This just can’t be. I just kept waiting for that thing to appear. Walking along the beach, maybe I’d find it there. The colors astounding. deep red, soft violets, navy blues, and olive green, spread out amiss the beach shore. Mixes and pops of vibrancy with every step. With such mundane main colors, this country sure does explode with warmth. I placed some of the pebbles in my pocket as evidence, only later to see them dried up and faded. The once extraordinary now simply... ordinary. But if I close my eyes and focus real hard I can still see the beauty of the dream I once lived.

HEY...

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