They tell me that if I don’t experience homesickness in the beginning, then I probably will in 6 weeks time. I saw it sneak in early tonight. A few different factors may have contributed to the buildup of tension inside me. The tension that held me captive in my room, in front of a screen. Waiting for midnight to roll around so I could climb in bed, sleep, get up and try for a more eventful day again tomorrow. Addin suggested I get some fresh air. Okie.
Opening the door to the night air, my feet immediately started going. Lifting me off the ground with each step and carrying me forward to a destination unknown. It felt natural and welcoming. It felt like a satisfied craving. Like my body wanted to take control and lose control simultaneously. Forgetting the ‘correct’ running form my legs explored their abilities. First running in quick little steps that made my hips pop out and in rhythmically. Then take lengthy leaps measuring how long they could stretch. Then up to my chest, checking to see if they actually missed those high knee drills from high school. They didn’t. Ready to turn, my arms shot out like an airplane (or bird) guiding me around the corner. My eyes enjoyed watching the rotation of my feet and the pavement passing by underneath. It didn’t take long for me to notice my heart pumping hard to keep up with all this commotion. Running on my own means I have the freedom to stop and walk if I want, gazing up at the stars, rubbing the mist off my cheeks, breathing in the brisk air and looking over the town of Carmarthen in darkness. Trying to envision what the view looked like when the sun was out. I spun and twirled, dancing to the music in my head. Then I ran again. Down the hill, losing control of my speed I felt alive. Like I actually felt myself living. Stomach cramped and jaw aching, legs itching and cold sweating. I felt the consequences of running after having been stagnant for months. But at least I felt it. Many people are appalled by the very idea of running, as am I on most days. But running tonight was purposeful. It gave me a sensation that I don’t get to experience too often. One that I can never quite hold onto. But I’m thankful for the little pieces every now and then.